reason and action

it has been a long time :) how are you doing, blogger?

the only reason why i wont open or continue to post in this blog is that i'm afraid to read this blog all over and begin to cry, again. but then i thought that now i'm stronger and i really hope that i'd treasure that moment like i said before, that's why i'll post again.

wish me luck :)

hell-o

moving to tumblr :D

some update to cover that shit up :p

seems like forever i haven't write, I'm still trying to wake up from this traumatic moments in my life :(

updates updates updates

my friend told me about this album that hell i love so much :D it's MALIQ N D'ESSENTIAL's mini album. there's one song that i love in this mini album that consist of 6 beautiful songs, it's coba katakan. i'll write you the lyric(i actually googled it hahah) but hey find the download link by yourself ya haha

coba coba katakan kepadaku bahwa kita sedang berjalan menuju satu alasan,
janganlah kau katakan bila kita memang tak ada tujuan, dari apa yang dijalankan,

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka hari ini..

coba coba katakan kepadaku sekali lagi bila kita memang benar akan kesana,
buktikan dan buat aku percaya bahwa kita bisa, mewujudkan bahagia,

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka hari ini..

ohh.. oh.. habis sudah semua rangkai kata..
telah terungkap semua yang kurasa..
yang kuingin akhir yang bahagia.. hoo..

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka..

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka hari ini..

wohoho.. dudududu…
wohoho.. dudududu…

yang ku inginkan..
satu tujuan..
sebuah kenyataan..
bukan impian..
bukan harapan..
bukan alasan..
satu kepastian..

coba katakan..
coba katakan..
coba katakan..
coba katakan..

i must said it's a great great song and it's been hanging around in my ear for about a week or more. must download okky? :D

another thing about why is it so hard to write lately, is because i have been running away from my last post :) i just don't want to read it again and again and again, like what i did weeks ago. it's traumatic, again t-r-a-u-m-a-t-i-c

life's been roller coaster-ing since that day i post my last post :D

p.s : don't forget to download the song. i'll love you if you do haha

admiring you, but letting you go

my sister told me that she proud of me and glad that i am finally a girl :)

last night, was the most horrible yet interesting experience in my life. for the first time and i hope is gonna be the last time, i cried for a boy. yes, my tears finally runs down with my thought of letting go.

i'm giving up.

after 4 years of waiting and been hurt a lot. i decided to giving up on him. i found it too tiring and i had enough. i don't wanna waste a life time chasing pots of gold. 4 years is too much and yes it's not a short time. it was actually the worst and the best time in my life.

when i stuck with you playing with my mind and my heart is the one that's left to hurt.

but hey, even know i'm hurt and tired and i want to let it go, i will never regret this. you taught me how to be patient, how to be brave, how to be strong, and how to love someone for who they are. or at least i liked you, no, i loved you for who you are.

i finnaly could and i would treasure this feeling till my death. you're the best that i never had :))

thank you :D

bubbling

if only i can, i'd treasure it till my death.

there are things in my life that will never be on the right position. things that, yes, meant to be broken. and passion can only be my biggest enemy in time like this. time when you feel down about your life.

just like seeing a ghost pass in front of you and take your soul.

i was bubbling, reading things, and finally thinking.

being a role model is such a waste of time. you can't really be free as anyone else. you have to be as perfect as the perfect robot that we can't even make. you have to be strong, straight, and calm on the same time, just like a pattern on my dress. you have to satisfy the audience that always heartless and arrogant.

when they want you to be their leader, you said yes.
when they want you to be their idols, you said yes.
and when they want you to be their maid, the only answer is yes.

in the middle of my thought,

life brings me down and people just wont notice when everything is actually upside down. feeling like living a lie. don't know where to go and don't know what to do just deal everything ahead of me with my perfectly-perfect-fake smile. i had enough and yes this is tiring.

when the moon is your only friend

i never been this way and i never ever want to be this complicated. have no hope for you or even life is making me such a lunatic. it just like, now i feel glad and mad on the next 5 second. it's been a whole new world for me and it's challenging.

but when they asked me? i just say nothing's wrong, i guess.

and when the magic is gone, i realize that it's all because of you.

admiring you

If you learn to admire everyone for always doing their best, even in their failures and in times of their most confused moments, you will quickly find the whole world admiring you for your compassion.

love it since the second i read the phrase :D

ps : gapernah kebayang kalo bakal majang foto nyokap di blog = =a felt weird since i have never ever in my life (like really)looking at her picture that actually hang all over my house and now i have it in my blog and it's a big one :D

happy belated birthday mom

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, MOM <3

omigod, what kind of daughter am i? so sorry for the late greeting and so sorry i didn't give you anything on your bday. so sorry for being the worst daughter. so sorry for the way i act like for the last 16 years. i'm just a person in this random world and still learning how to live and how to love what's mine and yes you're mine but i never ever love you the way you love me. i never really appreciate what you did, what you made, and what you gave to me. i'm so sorry i know i never really try to be the best daughter of yours. again, sorry.

i love you, mom <3
even when i said i hate you, you're the worst mom in the world, you know, deep down in my heart i will always love you. and how could i don't love you? you're my mother. my own mother :D

xoxo :-*

breast cancer awareness, header, and holidaaaaaay

omigod, beneran deh penyakit males ngepost kumat parah bin ajaib men = =a saking malesnya ngeblog skarang postingan gada yang pake bahasa alien alias english gajelas haha and now i made a new header instead of writing, again.

talking about new header, check out mine, it's the breast cancer awareness edition. that's why i made it in pink, in case u'll ask me somehow :D sebenernya gua juga gatau sejak kapan ada breast awareness thingy or day, whatever, but since i use picnik for the editing(god, this laptop doesn't have adobe photoshop, SUCKS!) i found out about this awareness thing and decided to use it :D

so, guys, wake up and be aware, okyy?

uh yeaah, another info for you guys, i'm in jakarta now :D for like about 4 days, i guess. guess what? i'm gonna shop like a lunatic, HELL YEAH!! i've got a pair of cute sneakers already. it's macbeth an it's green :))

so happy :D

i'll be back on 2nd of october and can't wait for school. i miss my friends and miss the hang out thingy and cutting school thingy, which will never ever happen again cause i already made a promise that i'll be a good student this time :D wish me luck, okyy?

byee
enjoy your holiday :D

new header

look up and look down

ternyata emang bagusan header yg lama daripada ini. ngek nyesel ganti = =a

random

i found that my post been so short lately harhar akhir akhir ini mau nulis males banget ngek = =a

i havent sleep enough lately and hell it makes my kinda went wrong. bikin gabisa bedain siang sama malem garagara tidur siang bangun malem = =a, make me feel hungry 24/7 ngek.

i even forgot about the idul fitri post thingy hahahaha

mohon maaf lahir batin



happy eid!!!

monster and family :D

telat banget = =a

oyeaaa, how was ur holiday?
mine was the worst holiday ever. as i said, i havent sleep enough and it makes me feel lazy all the time and i end up with online-ing like forever harhar i really need a gateaway i guess :D

one more thing :D do you like my new emot? = =a harhar

faaaaaak

it's funny when i actually know that i can fool every single human being around me but not myself. i know my secrets, i know exactly how do i feel about things, i know my story. and it's get funnier when i found me wishing to be somebody else just because things are waiting to be solve right in front of me. felt like wanting to be stupid enough to not understand what happened.

life is just too tiring sometimes.

you belong with me

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.

Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me

tanya kenapa?

still wondering kok bannerku ga bisa muncul ya?

happy go round banner

god, i have nothing to do and someone told me to make a banner so here it goes harhar

nice huh? or else, stupid?

what daughters suppose to feel about their father

My Dad is an autis, but he could make me laugh and feel safe. He also give his very best for me, when every single daddy out there are just busy with their work, my dad is always here with me. I am happy with my dad, even people laugh at him, i still love him just like he love me

that's a dialog from i am sam(2001).

nice huh?

p.s: i moved the banner box. it's on the bottom of the blog now harhar

did i do the right thing?

there are times when the big question bumped me right in front of my nose just like now.

did i do the right thing?

i mean, there's too many in life that we have to choose, we made too many decision, and how do we know for sure that we made the right decision or not?

making an effect

jadi kemaren hari jumat ato sabtu ato kamis(totally forgot!!), icha sama vhe sempet maen ke rumah and yes we played firewooorks :D lalu setelah fireworks abis akhirnya kita isengiseng bakar bungkusnya dan voilaa~~! terciptalah fotofoto di atas

and just got the idea how to make an effect from these photo. kalo dicombine sama efect lainnya bisa menjadi seperti dibawah ini harhar



nice huh? :D

stupid

why am i suddenly losing my mind, get high, drunk, being mellow and stuff?

simply just because, yes, i'm in love(kinda embarrassing but wth hahah) :D i never been too this situation and got stuck with a boy hanging around my mind and hell yeah i can't even make him go.

seeing him everywhere i go, felt like wanting him to be around me 24/7. even know it will never happen. kinda hurt.

no, it's so damn hurt.

knowing that he's a one big jerk and the most disgusting creatures that ever live it's the dumbest thing i ever do.

yes, i'm stupid, i should have known that i should never fall for him. but everything i do seems not good enough for make me hate him.

all i ever know is that trying to make him even realize that i'm here it seems impossible to me. and i don't even want to stop trying.

stupid

never ever in my life i feel so dumb
and even write this such a junk = =

nah geez --> najis = =

gabisa nambah link di blogroll? najis = =

i'll fix this ASAP :D

passion pit rocks!

passion pit is one of my favorite musician and hope you like it guys :D