reason and action

it has been a long time :) how are you doing, blogger?

the only reason why i wont open or continue to post in this blog is that i'm afraid to read this blog all over and begin to cry, again. but then i thought that now i'm stronger and i really hope that i'd treasure that moment like i said before, that's why i'll post again.

wish me luck :)

hell-o

moving to tumblr :D

some update to cover that shit up :p

seems like forever i haven't write, I'm still trying to wake up from this traumatic moments in my life :(

updates updates updates

my friend told me about this album that hell i love so much :D it's MALIQ N D'ESSENTIAL's mini album. there's one song that i love in this mini album that consist of 6 beautiful songs, it's coba katakan. i'll write you the lyric(i actually googled it hahah) but hey find the download link by yourself ya haha

coba coba katakan kepadaku bahwa kita sedang berjalan menuju satu alasan,
janganlah kau katakan bila kita memang tak ada tujuan, dari apa yang dijalankan,

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka hari ini..

coba coba katakan kepadaku sekali lagi bila kita memang benar akan kesana,
buktikan dan buat aku percaya bahwa kita bisa, mewujudkan bahagia,

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka hari ini..

ohh.. oh.. habis sudah semua rangkai kata..
telah terungkap semua yang kurasa..
yang kuingin akhir yang bahagia.. hoo..

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka..

aku tak ingin terus terdiam memandangi harapan,
terlena akan manis cinta dan berujung kecewa,
aku tak ingin terus menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti,
lebih baik kita menangis dan terluka hari ini..

wohoho.. dudududu…
wohoho.. dudududu…

yang ku inginkan..
satu tujuan..
sebuah kenyataan..
bukan impian..
bukan harapan..
bukan alasan..
satu kepastian..

coba katakan..
coba katakan..
coba katakan..
coba katakan..

i must said it's a great great song and it's been hanging around in my ear for about a week or more. must download okky? :D

another thing about why is it so hard to write lately, is because i have been running away from my last post :) i just don't want to read it again and again and again, like what i did weeks ago. it's traumatic, again t-r-a-u-m-a-t-i-c

life's been roller coaster-ing since that day i post my last post :D

p.s : don't forget to download the song. i'll love you if you do haha

admiring you, but letting you go

my sister told me that she proud of me and glad that i am finally a girl :)

last night, was the most horrible yet interesting experience in my life. for the first time and i hope is gonna be the last time, i cried for a boy. yes, my tears finally runs down with my thought of letting go.

i'm giving up.

after 4 years of waiting and been hurt a lot. i decided to giving up on him. i found it too tiring and i had enough. i don't wanna waste a life time chasing pots of gold. 4 years is too much and yes it's not a short time. it was actually the worst and the best time in my life.

when i stuck with you playing with my mind and my heart is the one that's left to hurt.

but hey, even know i'm hurt and tired and i want to let it go, i will never regret this. you taught me how to be patient, how to be brave, how to be strong, and how to love someone for who they are. or at least i liked you, no, i loved you for who you are.

i finnaly could and i would treasure this feeling till my death. you're the best that i never had :))

thank you :D

bubbling

if only i can, i'd treasure it till my death.

there are things in my life that will never be on the right position. things that, yes, meant to be broken. and passion can only be my biggest enemy in time like this. time when you feel down about your life.

just like seeing a ghost pass in front of you and take your soul.

i was bubbling, reading things, and finally thinking.

being a role model is such a waste of time. you can't really be free as anyone else. you have to be as perfect as the perfect robot that we can't even make. you have to be strong, straight, and calm on the same time, just like a pattern on my dress. you have to satisfy the audience that always heartless and arrogant.

when they want you to be their leader, you said yes.
when they want you to be their idols, you said yes.
and when they want you to be their maid, the only answer is yes.

in the middle of my thought,

life brings me down and people just wont notice when everything is actually upside down. feeling like living a lie. don't know where to go and don't know what to do just deal everything ahead of me with my perfectly-perfect-fake smile. i had enough and yes this is tiring.

when the moon is your only friend

i never been this way and i never ever want to be this complicated. have no hope for you or even life is making me such a lunatic. it just like, now i feel glad and mad on the next 5 second. it's been a whole new world for me and it's challenging.

but when they asked me? i just say nothing's wrong, i guess.

and when the magic is gone, i realize that it's all because of you.

admiring you

If you learn to admire everyone for always doing their best, even in their failures and in times of their most confused moments, you will quickly find the whole world admiring you for your compassion.

love it since the second i read the phrase :D

ps : gapernah kebayang kalo bakal majang foto nyokap di blog = =a felt weird since i have never ever in my life (like really)looking at her picture that actually hang all over my house and now i have it in my blog and it's a big one :D

happy belated birthday mom

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, MOM <3

omigod, what kind of daughter am i? so sorry for the late greeting and so sorry i didn't give you anything on your bday. so sorry for being the worst daughter. so sorry for the way i act like for the last 16 years. i'm just a person in this random world and still learning how to live and how to love what's mine and yes you're mine but i never ever love you the way you love me. i never really appreciate what you did, what you made, and what you gave to me. i'm so sorry i know i never really try to be the best daughter of yours. again, sorry.

i love you, mom <3
even when i said i hate you, you're the worst mom in the world, you know, deep down in my heart i will always love you. and how could i don't love you? you're my mother. my own mother :D

xoxo :-*